Playing

Coulsdon Court Golf Course

For an average lady golfer

Please note - the pictures give an impression of the holes and are not to scale.

1st Hole - 273 yards

There shouldn't be a problem reaching the green in the regulation two shots, but it's the first isn't it, and you haven't been doing the advised half hour on the practice ground before your match. So that drive could go just about anywhere, most likely the bunker and line of conifers on the left, or why not do the whole round in one shot and send it out right towards the 18th? Oh, and try to miss the nasty steep sided bunker to the left of the green.

Par 4 - no problem.


2nd Hole - 410 yards

A good drive will invariably end up in the cross course bunker, chip out of that and it's a relatively simple two shots to the green, remember this is a par 4 for the men but a par 5 for the ladies, so make the most of that extra shot.

Par 5 (or 6 if you go in the bunker, or 7 if you don't quite make the green).


3rd Hole - 149 Yards

A par 3 with the green at an angle from the tee, making the setup for your drive awkward, and then there's the magnetic laurel bush to the right just before the green, which attracts an unreasonable number of balls.

Par 3 - if you steer clear of the laurels.


4th Hole - 346 yards

There shouldn't be a problem with this hole, a straight par 4, wide fairway and only a couple of fairway bunkers and two beside the green; but it plays long and you're a better player than me if you can regularly par it - but then if you've got this far and you're still reading you probably are a better golfer than me, so good luck.

Par 4 - yes it really is.


5th Hole - 436 yards

The ladies' tee is nowhere near the men's; it's down in the valley beside the woods. A good drive will take you back up to the middle of the fairway, but any suggestion of a slice and you're in the woods and it's 3 off the tee unless you fancy hacking out of the undergrowth. After that it's down and up again to the green and if you keep straight there shouldn't be a problem - though, by the way, everything runs left to right when you get near to the green. Best not to be hitting your pitch through the trees from the 6th.

Par 5 - if you keep out of the woods.


6th Hole - 136 yards

This was the course's signature hole, a par 3 across a valley and over, under, round but not through the silver birch... What silver birch? It was chopped down in 2022, which makes the hole a load more friendly. Make sure you keep right to avoid the steep left hand drop beside the green. And once on the green there are some very tricky borrows.

Par 3 now.


7th Hole - 303 yards

Everything runs left to right on this hole, so aim your drive up left or you'll end up behind the oak tree with an extra shot to chip round it. And don't look up when you take your second shot or you'll end up in the bomb crater and you'll be hitting your third, if you find it, out of the bluebells. Did I say everything runs left to right? Just when you think you've sussed the hole, the shot to the green stays resolutely left, exactly where you put it, leaving a difficult delicate chip for the pin on a steeply sloping green.

Par 4 - if you miss the oak tree and the bomb crater.


8th Hole - 317 yards

Right, you're out of the woods and can hit out with a long drive, perfect second shot to the green and sink a long putt for a birdie - that's why we keep coming back for more. Left of centre is better than right for your drive and that green is deceptively flat - as an estate agent might say - balls run through it with great speed and alarming regularity.

Par 4 - if you keep it straight and don't overrun the green.


9th Hole - 429 yards

Stroke index 1 for the ladies and a long slog to the green. Watch out for the out of bounds hedge on the right, it can easily take out an unwary drive. No other major problems, you just need 3 good shots - that's all!

Par 5 - or 7 if you're 3 off the tee, or 8 if you don't quite make the green.


10th Hole - 329 yards

More magnetic vegetation; a stand of trees a drive's length from the tee, so you have to aim left, which enables a perfect fade into the trees in my experience. Once you've negotiated the trees it's a straight shot to the green but be careful not to run through, it's faster than some and slopes away front to back.

Par 4 - dogleg


11th Hole - 116 yards

The shortest hole on the course. Par 3 with an inviting steep sided bunker right of the green, and an interesting hollow on the green making putting tricky.

Par 3 - if you aim left, bring the ball round to the right and don't overrun the green.


12th Hole - 294 yards

This may not be a hilly course but this hole feels steeper than it looks. A mean spirited bunker on the left claims perfectly positioned drives and then it's all about getting the angle right to reach the green and not find yourself playing ping pong with the two greenside bunkers.

An awkward par 4.


13th Hole - 147 yards

Not the par 3 to play your 'nearest the pin' on or you might find no-one wins the prize. A good long uphill drive will reach the green but other options are the trees by the car park to the left, or the prominent bunker that opens its mouth for anything short or right.

Par 3 - oh yes it is!


14th Hole - 325 yards

The ladies' tee is in the same place as the men's competition tee, longer than the men's everyday tee. The aim is to get your drive over the road without hitting a passing car. Drivers (car) are asked to stop and wait for drivers (golf) but they don't - so stand on the tee, set up, take a practice swing, look up, wait for car to cross, wave over one from the other side, set up again... All concentration lost by this time so hit and hope. If you can get over the road try to keep to the fairway, but it's still a long par 4.

Par FORE!


15th Hole - 396 yards

In my books this should be a par 5, but it's just under 400 yards so they call it a 4. It's wide but long, long, long and none of the ladies I know can reach the green in 2, so you just have to be on top putting form to par here.

Par 4 - but it should be a 5.


16th Hole - 142 yards

The last par 3 and there's a chance of getting it if you get the angles right off the tee. Hit straight ahead and you miss the green to the left, aim a bit right and you're sure to have over compensated and found the rough on the right. At least the bunkers don't come into play too often - there, I'm bound to find one now I've written that.

Par 3 at an angle.


17th Hole - 415 yards

Turning for home, hopefully with the wind behind and three good shots will see you comfortably on the green; not such good shots and the wide cross course bunker will accept all comers, and this is another hole where it's quite easy to overshoot the green.

Par 5 ought to be possible.


18th Hole - 307 yards

A good chance to wallop a drive down to the oak tree and show that you do know how to play this game, but don't be tempted to try too hard... all you need is a par 4 for a perfect card. No serious problems but remember golf is all in the mind.

Par 4 - which is all you need to stay in your buffer zone.

And there's always next week to try again.